if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
