OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize