I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
