Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I love you.
Bad choice
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize