she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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