I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
