he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
