I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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