Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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