I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
