Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
