yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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