Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
