You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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