i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
