I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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