Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
