are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
