You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
