I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
