I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My breasts were aching with rage.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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