thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Randomize
