We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
