she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
