My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
