just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
