we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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