Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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