You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Randomize
