In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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