Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
