Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
