Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
