he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize