kristin has been a bad kristin
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
