i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
