these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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