I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize