So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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