I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
