At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Randomize
