well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
