I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
