why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
