Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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