Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
