I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
