So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
