I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
