Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
