Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
bring money and cleavage
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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