i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
