and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
