She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
