I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Two words: blizzard sex
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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