also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
