I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
