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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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