You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
