You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
