Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
