I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
