When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
