I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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