Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
