i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
