i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
