I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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