I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize