You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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