States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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