How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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