If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My butt remains clenched, sir.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
