guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
