The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
