there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
