Your dad touched me again.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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