If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
