so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
