Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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