I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i will never coherently bang her
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
