The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
