Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
