I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
