A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
