My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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