You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
