Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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