if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
