Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize