I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
