R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
