his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
