I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We need to get me chipped asap
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
