Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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