her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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