Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
