I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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