Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
