Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
