I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
