A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Ketchup is God's man juice
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
