sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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