My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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