Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
