Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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