Ambien. No doubt about it.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
worst night to have a conscience
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize