Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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