this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
