Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
