needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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