yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
