Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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