I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
