I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
