Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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