I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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