You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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