It was confusing and full of hummus
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize