Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
